A letter to my 1 year old

My dearest Ella,

This past month, you turned one year old and it is so hard for me to believe that a year has passed so quickly.  I love you more today than I did the day you were born.

You started daycare a couple of months ago (in November).  At first I went before your nap time to feed you - it was the highlight of my day going to see you there - but now you don't need me in the day anymore so I don't see you from 9 in the morning until 5 in the afternoon.  I think it is harder on me to leave you than on you to leave me, but I am incredibly happy that you have fun there and are able to play with others your age.

For a while there, the doctors were a little concerned about your weight.  I guess this will happen when you are below the 5th percentile.  Everyone we talk to, though, says you can pack away food like the best of them (I have a theory that it goes in one end and comes right back out the other), and your daddy and I think you are just a beautiful, petite little girl. 

Your laugh is contagious.  You still don't break it out often (mostly only when you are overtired - you get this from me), but when you do it fills the room with joy.  I love making you laugh.

You haven't walked on your own yet, which is a real surprise to us.  You've been walking with help for many months now and I was sure you would walk by your birthday, if not Christmas.  Your legs are strong, and your balance is good - you walk and push anything that you can, but walking on your own seems to terrify you.  I don't mind helping you along - as I want you to stay little for as long as possible - but I pray that in the long run, when you are older, you will not be paralyzed by your fears (as I am frequently guilty of) but can reach new heights trusting in your own gifts and abilities and in the promises Christ has given us that He will always be with us and watch over us.

You are very talkative, in a language we don't understand.  You say very few real words (your new favourite is dada), but are incredibly good at getting your messages across (especially when you are hungry, "MMMmmmmmMMM").  Selfishly, I cannot wait for you to say 'mama' though!

I am already terrified of the day you don't want me around, or the first time you tell me you hate me - I think it will break my heart.  I also know, though, that you will never understand how much I love you until you have your own children.  My fears melt away when you give me kisses or give me a hug and pat my back, or rest your head on my shoulder - I wish I could capture those moments and keep them forever.

Sometimes I wonder why God thought your daddy and I were worthy of you.  You are the most beautiful, life-injecting little person I know.  You have your own wonderful personality that shines through all the time.

I pray every day that you grow up to know and love Jesus and all He has done for you and for us.  I pray that you know that He can be your source of strength and guidance.  And I pray that your daddy and I can be good, godly examples for you to follow.

And now we are expecting your little baby brother or sister.  Although I know you have no idea what is going on, I love it when you rub my belly, hug it, kiss it, or give it zerberts (your favourite thing to do).  You always look confused when I point to my belly and talk about the 'baby', and then we look at pictures of babies and I tell you that they are babies too.  I can't wait to watch you be a big sister, showing your younger sibling how to take all of the things out of mama's cupboards, or sharing your toys with him or her.  Your heart is so full of love and joy and I can't wait to double that in the household.

I love you more than you will ever know, my dear little 1 year old Ella.  I can't wait to continue to watch you grow and learn.

Love,

Your Mama