Tuesday, February 15, 2011

McDonald's hotcakes, carnations, and hamburger helper

So I had been asked to explain my husband's facebook status.  If you aren't facebook friends with him, this is what it says:

Botched my first Valentine's Day as a married man! 10 points!
And I know he sounds excited and happy about it, but really he is not.  I need to give a little background to the story though, so bare with me until I get to the part about yesterday.

Dave and I are on this big get out of debt, save money kick.  And really, we have very very little debt - but we are budgeting our money every month, and will hopefully be paying down lots, etc.  And it has been going pretty well actually .  But then this Saturday we found out we needed to replace part of our exhaust system and it was going to cost us $300 to fix.  So that night I told Dave not to get me anything for Valentine's Day because I didn't feel we had the money.  Note: I forgot to clarify that that didn't mean I didn't want anything to happen on Valentine's Day. 

The other thing that happened this weekend was that we went to Saint John on Sunday to drive my sister back and pick my parents up from the airport.  So at 12:30 on Sunday night/Monday morning we were at the airport picking my parents up.  And yet I had to work at 8:30 on Monday morning and so we were on the road to Moncton by 7am.  Dave wanted to stop and get a coffee and some breakfast, which was fine - so he stopped at the McDonald's on the way out of my parents town. He asked if I wanted anything but it was too early and I said I wasn't hungry at the time. 

So then Dave drove to Moncton while I slept in the passenger seat (really I slept when I could, the roads were bad and I kept waking up thining we were going to die).  I was hoping that we would get to Moncton in enough time to stop to get me something to eat (although to be fair, I never vocalized this thought - but Dave knows that I am a breakfast eater and I don't remember the last time I didn't eat breakfast).  But since the car had to go into the shop that day, and Dave had to borrow his sister's car in order to make that happen, Dave texted his sister (for all you safety nuts, I actually texted her saying what he asked me to say) and said he would meet her in 6 minutes.  This definitely did not leave enough time for me to stop and get my McDonald's kids meal hot cakes, hashbrown, and apple juice breakfast.
yumm... except without the coffee.  I hate coffee.  Blech.
But, I didn't want to say anything so I went on my way to work without breakfast.  Shortly after, I texted Dave and said "I am hungry".  And Dave replied a while later with "Do you want me to get you something for breakfast?", and I said "well, you don't have time" (translate: YES - GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE WITH SOMETHING).   But Dave didn't even check my response until he was at work.

So, I started my valentine's day off hungry.

And so went my day.  Dave works everyday until 6:00, and so I couldn't wait to get home and get something to eat.  I patiently waited until 6:00.  And then I continued to patiently wait until 6:20 when I finally heard from him.  He was on Mountain Road.  If you know Moncton, and you know where Dave works, you will understand that when he said he was on Mountain, I assumed he meant on Mountain near to where I work.  Not on the other side of Moncton on Mountain.  But, he was dropping a coworker at his house.  So, I went outside to wait for Dave.  And I waited, and I waited, and nine minutes later I called back and asked him if he had died.

He had not died, luckily.  But he was still on Mountain Road.

And let me tell you a sleepy, tired, hungry, frustrated Amy does not make a happy Amy.  To his credit, when Dave picked me up at the school, he thrust a bouquet of carnations and daisy's at me and said "happy valentine's day".  Well, as much as I appreciated the gesture, let me tell you that my romantic feelings did not spew forth at that moment.  No, all my negative ones did.

I ranted and I babbled and I cried.  And then Dave dropped me off at the shop, I went in and got my car, and then picked him up at residence where my sister-in-law lives, and then I ranted and I babbled and I cried some more.  And then we got home and Dave asked me what we were going to have for supper.  And then I ranted and I babbled and I cried some more.

And then I gave in and made hamburger helper.

After some more ranting, babbling, and crying, we went to bed - at 8:30.  We talked for a little bit, and then I read and he fell directly to sleep.

So there you have it.  My valentine's day consisted of hunger, carnations, waiting around, and hamburger helper.

But see there is this thing that I have had to learn about Dave.  And I still haven't really caught on.  In statistics you have an independent variable and a dependent variable - and you really can't have research without it.  Well I'll tell you something - I am definitely the dependent variable, and Dave is definitely the independent variable.  Which supposedly makes us a good pair.  But it also makes things challenging.

You see Dave grew up in a very loving family.  But almost all of his family members have outgoing personalities, and they are all extremely independent.

I also grew up in a very loving family.  My family could probably be described as introvert/outgoing.  Sure, we can get really loud and hyper around each other, but I think that in some ways, we have smaller personalities.  And we are all very dependent on each other.

For example, birthdays in my household are a BIG deal.  We do a lot for everyone's birthday.  Growing up, our entire extended family would get together for everyone's birthday.  Dave's family didn't do that.  Sure, they celebrate your birthday, but it wasn't as big of a deal as it is in my family.

And so we celebrate differently.  Dave is independent, when he wants something he saves up for it and buys it.  He doesn't care as much about holidays, and he does what he wants when he wants to do it.

I am dependent, and I continually hint at what I want, because generally I am not willing to use my money on what I want.  I care a lot about holidays.  I go all out.  A birthday deserves a special breakfast, special lunch, special supper, gifts, a surprise, a party, and anything else that can be thought of!
I just thought I should break up the text with a picture.  So I chose this birthday comic!

So, this is what happens - Dave gets upset with me for putting too much time and energy into something, and I get upset with Dave for not putting enough time and energy into things.

I guess this comes with newly married territory, but boy does it take a lot of getting used to!

We have designated this Sunday as our make-up Valentine's Day so I will let you know if things improve the second time around!

Note: I understand that this will NEVER be my valentine's day.  I didn't marry a Romeo, or a Mr. Darcy, or a Westley, but I did marry my David, and no matter how anti-romantic or annoying he is, I love him to bits and pieces and wouldn't have chose anyone else.


  1. Love you - love David - love this post! Keep having the conversation - even today your Dad was bringing me back from Bible study at lunch time and I was trying to suggest where he should drop me off - but didn't actually say so! SIGH! When will I learn! Maybe through you guys! Just tell it like it is - don't leave a lot of ambiguity around the men in our lives.

  2. I agree with Mom. This is a great post. It looks like you and Dave both had an opportunity to learn yesterday. Good luck on Sunday!

  3. As a holiday-loving dependent who married a semi-independent non-romantic myself, I can relate. I loved the post though! As a note of encouragement, the learning does not come overnight, but things will improve through time as your marriage progresses!

  4. I just shared a life lesson I learned this summer yesterday with a fellow disappointed-in-valentine's female.
    I learned this in therapy this summer, upon complaining about Mathew and his lack of kind gestures. I was told that that men are men (of course) and if I want to be happy, I need to take happiness into my own hands!!!!
    So, here is the spiel I shared with my friend yesterday (of what you need to tell your man), maybe you can use it, too!

    "I know you love me, and you know I love you. And we both want each other to be happy. I am a woman, and so by default I am sentimental, and I need to see you make an effort to do these things that will make me feel sentimental and love you that extra bit and so that I can brag about you to my friends... I need tokens of love and affection. I need material objects every once in awhile so that I can feel special, and so that I can see that I am special. I need these things so that I can be happy in our relationship, and without them, I will always be unhappy without this one thing."

    That makes it all about YOU instead of all about HIM.

  5. This is great! Thanks for sharing this story!! Is it mean to "like" it? Frankly, I almost didn't know what to do to tell you I enjoyed what you wrote because I couldn't "like" it. That's a very sad, sad comment on how I spend my time.