A letter to my little one

Picture taken on January 12, 2012 - 39 weeks, 5 days.

Note: I have been wanting for a while to put my thoughts together in the form of a letter for my unborn child.  Not that the baby will have any idea that I did this.  But I wanted my child to someday be able to read of the great joy that (s)he brought to mine and Dave's life even before his/her birth.

Dear Little Baby,

Today is your due date.  It comes as no surprise to your daddy or I that you have not arrived yet - we imagined you would be late.  I can imagine it is warm, and comfortable (getting more uncomfortable by the day though, I am sure), and familiar in there for you - so I understand why you want to stay!

You have been part of our lives for 9 months today.  I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with you.  Your daddy was at work, and I was so sure that I wasn't pregnant that I took the risk of taking a test while he was gone.  When the first test (and the second) both came back indicating that I was pregnant, I was so excited and absolutely terrified at the same time.  I picked your daddy up from work that night bawling because I just didn't know how I was ever going to be a mother.

And even though at that point I knew in my head we were going to have a baby, I never imagined we actually would.  It wasn't real to me.  But you are so real to me now.

You formed inside of me, and grew, and we saw you through an ultrasound three times.  I started to feel you kick and move around and that was so exciting for me.  And your daddy was so jealous that he couldn't feel it - until he did.  He loved it.  It still brings such a large smile to your daddy's face when you kick his hand, or you move in such a way that he can see.

You are your father's child though.  You are a little trickster.  You will move for me a lot but as soon as I tell anyone you are moving and they watch or feel, you stop.  But the moment they look away or move their hand, you start kicking up a storm again.  Your daddy and I laugh about this often.

I know how much your daddy loves you.  He talks to you all the time and tells you that.  He is so excited to meet his little son/daughter.  And from the moment I told him I was pregnant, whenever I have been afraid of what the future may hold, or doubtful of our abilities to care for you, he has been reassuring and supportive, and I can tell how much he cannot wait for you to be a full part of our family.

I feel like I know you so well.  I know that you either love or hate when I shower because you always kick lots when the warm water touches my belly.  You either love or hate movies (and or popcorn).  We went to see TinTin last night and you kicked me the entire time - you do this whenever we go to the theatre.  And you either love or hate church - from early on you kicked me constantly whenever we were there for a service.

And yet at the same time I know so little about you.  I don't know if you will have dark hair like me, or blonde hair like your daddy.  I don't know if your eyes will be blue, or green, or hazel, or brown.  I don't know if you will be born with a full head of hair or barely any.  I don't know what your name will be.  I don't even know if you are a girl or a boy.  But I love you.  I love you so much.  You are a part of me, and you have been for the last nine months.

And I know I will be far from a perfect mother.  But know that I loved you even before I knew you.  And I will continue to love you forever.

I promise you that.

Love always,

Your Mommy.

Our 2012 Canadian baby. Photo taken on January 11, 2012. 39 weeks, 6 days.

Photo taken on January 11, 2012. 39 weeks, 6 days.