A Letter to my six month old

A very excited Ella and her aunt Rebecca

 Dear Ella,

A couple of weeks ago you turned six months old.  It is very very hard to believe that you are already six months old, and that you have been in our lives for over a year already!

You continue to astound me with how much you are growing and learning all the time.  You are still my baby girl, but you are no little baby anymore.  Some of your more recent accomplishments include:

• Sitting up. You do an awfully good job at this by yourself, and only tumble occasionally.  Sitting up by yourself playing with toys is now competing with the Jolly Jumper as your favorite thing to do.
• Talking. You often say 'mumumumumum',  and we are just working on getting you to say 'dada'!  You are constantly telling us happy (or sad) stories.
• Walking. You still want to be on your feet, all the time.  You have a gift for 'walking' while holding onto someone's fingers.
• Your social skills.  You love being with others and making them smile - whether it be your Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, your aunts or uncles, your cousins, or those playing with you in the nursery, you are always very good for them and don't seem to miss your father or I at all.  I even catch you looking at strangers in a store, just waiting for them to turn and look at you so you can smile at them, and brighten their day!
• Your empathy. Whenever I am sad, you give bigger hugs, more frequent kisses, and are very accommodating to the many kisses and hugs I give you! 
• You know where your food is.  This is a good thing for you, and a not so good thing for me.  You are constantly trying to find your food and get your mouth to it, which means I have to be constantly watching my shirt!
• The end of the swaddle.  Recently, we stopped swaddling you.  I used to love to see you all bundled up in bed, but you wouldn't have it anymore and wanted to roll around and be mobile, which is another very indicative sign of how much you have grown!

Sleeping Ella

You love your toys.  Your bunny is by far your favorite, you always reach for it when you see it, and you cannot sleep without it.  You also love playing with hard toys, hitting them on things, or eating them!

You also love your father, and he loves you.  You and him get to spend about three mornings a week alone together while I am at work, and I know he makes you smile like no one else can.  You guys play together, and you laugh and smile all the time for him.  Seeing the bond you two have makes me extremely proud.

You are the light of my life.  I wouldn't give you up for the world - even when I am exhausted, and the house is a disaster, and all I want to do is have some time to myself, I am so glad to have you.  Your smile can dissipate all my stress and worries, and I am so thankful that God has given us the great responsibility of caring for you.

I have already experienced in great vividness the many ways I will fall short as a mother. I am sorry that I won't be able to be the mother you deserve.  I am worried about the day where you will wake up and not want me around any more, but I just pray that no matter what that you will know that God in his infinite wisdom created you just the way you are, and will love you no matter what - and that I will too.  I love you more than you will ever comprehend and I cannot wait to see the beautiful toddler, child, teenager, and women that you turn into!

Love,

'mumumumumum'

Mmmm Rocks

The Sleep Question

Photo taken April 3, 2012. Two and a half months old.

I remember how exhausted I was when Ella first came home from the hospital.  All she ever wanted to do was sleep.... on someone.  We held her so much in the first day or two that the nurses told us she wouldn't fall asleep in her bed in the nursery, because she just wanted to be in someone's arms.

In some ways, I loved those precious moments with my daughter, but in other ways, I just wanted her to learn to sleep on her own.  And then finally, she did.

For a long time, Ella would get very fussy and tired during the day, screaming without end, and going almost full days without napping.  And then we got on a daytime schedule - eat, play, nap, eat, play, nap. It works well, she naps longer, and she isn't crying as much (because we can tell when she is tired).

That being said, we still haven't mastered the night sleeping.  Ella is just a little over 3 months old and still sleeps in bed with us (I know, I know - we said we would never do it, but it just worked best for us).  Her naps during the day are in her own bed.  We swaddle her during naptime and bedtime because she flails around and wakes herself up if she isn't swaddled.  Our bedtime routine goes something like this and starts somewhere between 9:00 and 10:00pm:

1.  Feeding
2.  Bath
3.  PJ's
4.  Book
5. Prayer
6. Swaddle
7. Put down, lights out.

Dave and I go to bed usually about half an hour to an hour after she does.

She usually wakes up about 2 times in the night to eat.  She eats laying down, and I just wait for her to fall asleep until I go back to sleep.  She usually wakes up for the day around 8:00am.

I have read that babies at 3 months should be able to sleep though the night, and I would like for her to be able to do that.  I would also like for her to sleep in her crib at night.

We have established a bedtime routine, and we have a daily nap schedule - the only thing keeping her up at night is her eating.  I need some ideas on how to proceed though.  Should I wait a little longer until she is slightly older to try to coax her into sleeping through the night?  Has anyone tried any methods for getting their younger (3-6 months) babies to sleep that long? I have looked at the Ferber method and at SleepSense, but don't want to buy something and commit unless I know it works.

We are also okay with moving her to her crib to sleep at night, but I don't want to have to be walking to her room to feed her twice a night for the next two months or so if she isn't really old enough to sleep through the night yet.  We are prepared for some bad nights, if we can feel confident we will see some results in a couple of weeks.

So if you have any advice or can share what worked with your child, it would be greatly appreciated!

A Letter to my Two Month Old

Photo taken January 27, 2012.  9 days old.

Ella,

Today, you are 9 weeks and 2 days old.  Nine weeks seems like such a short period of time, and yet I feel like you have been a part of our family forever.

I remember the first time I saw you.  I was so absolutely ecstatic to meet you, but one of the most wonderful things was seeing the look on your daddy's face as he held you.  It was instant love.  That night, they took you to the nursery to sleep, and I remember waking up the morning and not being allowed to get out of bed, but wanting so badly to have you there with me.   Your daddy slept in, and so I couldn't ask him to go fetch you, but I just had this huge desire to have you close to me.  After all, you were mine.

Photo taken February 11, 2012.  3 weeks, 3 days old.

You have done so much growing since you were first born. You weighed in at 11 lb, 4 oz at the doctor's today.  This is a far cry from the 6 lb 10 oz that you were when you were born, or 6 lb 5 oz that you were when you left the hospital.  You have chubbed right out which I am happy about.  I am glad you are healthy.

I now know the answer to many of the questions I had in my last letter to you:

Photo taken February 3, 2012. 2 weeks, 2 days old.

You absolutely love the bath.  You have one every night before going to bed, and you start crying as soon as we take you out.  You haven't learned to splash yet, but I am sure the experience will be all the more enjoyable for you once you figure that out.  After your bath, we get you dressed in your pj's, and read you a Bible story.

You love to look at the pictures of the story when you are not too preoccupied being upset about getting out of the bath or it being bedtime.  After that, we swaddle you up so you are cozy and pray with you.  I think you have yet to not scream through a prayer, but I cherish that time tremendously anyways.  You go to sleep fairly fast after that though, which is nice!

Photo taken March 17, 2012.  8 weeks, 3 days old (1 day shy of 2 months!)

You also love church.  For the most part, you have slept through every service, but whenever you are fussy and we go and listen to your daddy practice with the worship team you always calm down.  You seem to love the music.

I hope you always know how beautiful you are.  Everywhere we go, people tell us how pretty you are.  And they are so right.  Your collection of small features (inherited equally from your father and I) make you absolutely stunning.  And I know you will just become more and more beautiful as you grow.

Photo taken March 9, 2012.  7 weeks, 2 days old.
Her headband is a Posie, they are so cute!

You are kind of sassy.  I never knew that a 2 month-old could have so much personality.  But yours bursts forth from you!

You love the mornings.  Lying beside you and smiling and having fun with you just after you wake up is my favourite part of the day.  I am going to miss this when you move into your own crib for the night.

Photo taken February 3, 2012. 2 weeks, 2 days old.

Before you were born, I wrote about how much your daddy loved you.  But at that time, I really didn't know how much he would love you.  You are the light of his life.  He comes home from work and asks to hold you immediately.  And I know you love him.  You look at him, and smile at him, and have so much fun with him.

Photo taken March 19, 2012. 8 weeks, 5 days old.

Ella, you need to know that I love you more and more every day despite believing that there is no way I could love you one bit more than I already do.  I don't think you will be able to comprehend how much we love you until you have your own little ones, but I hope that someday you do.

Photo taken March 19, 2012. 8 weeks, 5 days old.

I thank God daily that He lent you to us.  We love watching you grow, and cannot wait to see all the things you will accomplish with your life.

Love always,

Your mom.

Some Of My Favourite Pictures From Your First Two Months

Photo taken March 21, 2012. 9 weeks old.

Photo taken January 21, 2012. 3 days old.

Photo taken January 27, 2012. 9 days old.

Photo taken March 14, 2012. 8 weeks old.

Photo taken March 22, 2012. 9 weeks, 2 days old.

Photo taken January 27, 2012. 9 days old.

Love,

The 10 Best Things About Being A New Mother

To balance my last post on the 10 Hardest Things about Being a New Mother, I wrote this post.  Again, they are in no particular order.

Ella smiling at us.  Photo taken on February 22, 2012 (1 month, 4 days old)

1.  Having my daughter smile at me. (whether it is intentional or not).


2.  Seeing my husband interact with and love our daughter.

3.  Watching my daughter sleep beside me at night.

Ella trying hard to stay awake.  Photo taken on January 26, 2012 (8 days old)

4.  Kissing her precious little head.

5.  Feeling her breathe on me while she sleeps on my chest.

6.  Watching her learn new things every day.

Dave & Ella. Photo taken February 22, 2012 (1 month, 4 days old)

7.  Being needed by her.

8.  Listening to her make her wonderful little noises.

9.  Watching her grow bigger and bigger and develop more into her looks each day.

Ella & I.  Photo taken January 18, 2012 (1 1/2 hours old)

10.  The way it feels so right, her being a part of our family.  I wonder how we ever felt like our family was complete without her in it.

The 10 Hardest Things About Being A New Mother

Ella at four weeks old, February 15th, 2011

I have listed the 10 Hardest Things About Being a New Mother in no particular order.  Please know that I wouldn't give her up for anything though.  And you should stay tuned for my next post, the 10 Best Things About Being a New Mother!

1.  Breastfeeding - It hurt more than I thought it would at first, and it is frustrating being constantly tethered to her.

2.  Everything takes longer - There is no easy running to the grocery store anymore!  Everything takes time.  If we want to go out, we usually have to make sure she has eaten first, and then changed, and in her car seat, and then she is probably screaming, and we have to make sure we have everything we need in her diaper bag, and then I have to make sure I am presentable (as usually, I am not).

3.  Using the washroom and taking a shower is much harder - It isn't too bad when Dave is around, but when he isn't around it is ridiculously hard to use the washroom or take a shower!

4.  Being peed and pooped on, especially in the middle of the night - It is the most frustrating thing to be awake in the middle of the night and then be peed and pooped on while trying to change a diaper and have her gett pee and poop all over everything.  It makes me want to cry.

5.  Having Ella spit everything up after I just fed her - This kind of relates to number one.  This is especially frustrating in the middle of the night.  It means we have to start back at square one.

6.  Breastfeeding between 2 and 5 am - I can handle before 2, and after 6.  But between 2 and 5, I am literally exhausted and it is hard to stay awake.  This is obviously also related to #1.

7.  Not being as productive - I love holding my little baby girl.  But sometimes it is hard when I am holding her and all I can see is a room that looks like a tornado went through it, and I can't get up to clean it up.

8.  Feeling useless - I know in my head that taking care of a baby is useful.  But not doing other things for the world makes me feel useless.

9.  Loneliness - Staying at home all day is hard.  Especially with a child who can't talk to me.

10.  The Screaming - It breaks my heart.  And it also gives me headaches.

What about you?  Do you have children?  What did you find hardest about being a new mother or father?  If you don't have children, what do you think will be hardest for you if/when you do have kids?

Ella's Arrival

Ella Susan Margaret Pike.
Photo taken January 20, 2012.

Before I forget the whole thing, I thought I would write a post about Ella's arrival.  It isn't too detailed or gruesome - but there are some parts that are honest, so I thought I would warn everyone in advance!  This post is also quite lengthy, which I also want to apologize for!

In the afternoon on Monday, January 16th (Dave's 25th birthday), I got a call from our family doctor that she had scheduled me to be induced the next morning at 7:15am at the hospital.  That pretty much killed the rest of the day for us.  I was too nervous to do anything really nice for Dave so he probably had a pretty awful birthday (I hadn't even gotten him a birthday gift at that point!).

The next day, we woke up at 6:00 to get ready to go to the hospital.  Most things were packed, but we just grabbed the last couple of essentials, had some breakfast, got ready, and left.  We left the house at 6:45 (the drive to the hospital takes about 15 minutes), because Dave wanted to stop at McDonald's to get a coffee.  Well, of course we get to McDonald's and something has happened and there is an ambulance there and they are even more slow than they usually are.  Needless to say, I walked into the ward of the hospital I was supposed to be in around 7:16 or 7:17 (oops!).

I thought that they would monitor me for a while before inducing me, but the Doctor was in, and I had been given a dose of the gel by about 7:40.  I started to have contractions at this point, but I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling.  The nurses would ask how bad 'the tightenings' hurt, but given that I had nothing to compare the pain to, they all seemed extremely painful (later in the day I looked back at those early ones and realized how not painful they were).

Dave and I spent most of the morning walking around.  We played cards for a while and just tried to keep ourselves busy!

The doctor came back shortly after 1 to check on me.  In the morning he had thought that he would break my water at this point, but given my lack of progress, he just gave me another dose of the gel.  My mother arrived to be with me around the same time.  My mother was the first person to justify my pain as contractions, which I appreciated.  When the nurses kept calling them 'tightenings', I wasn't sure what pain I was experiencing or if they even were contractions!  My contractions slowly got worse throughout the day.  We tried to make the time pass throughout the afternoon as well - talking, walking around, watching tv, and playing Dutch Blitz (which I whooped Dave and Mom at despite the contractions).

As a side note, I wasn't allowed any meals (only clear fluids) during the day.  But even those did not stay down.  I was sick to my stomach 3 times that day.  Everyone kept telling me I wouldn't want to eat while in labour, and I didn't believe that that would be the case - but it was, I was not hungry once!

At 4:00, the Doctor came back and broke my water, which increased the strength of my contractions even more, but they started me on a Pitocin drip shortly after 7:00.  My contractions got ridiculously bad at this point, and lying in bed was the worst.  By this point in time, I had only dilated to about 3 cm.  The nurses let me sit up in a glider chair where they set up the monitors so I wouldn't have to be monitored in bed.

Here in Miramichi, the nurses can't call in the anesthesiologist after midnight, so at about 11:30 the nurse came in and asked if I wanted an epidural.  By this point in time, I was pretty convinced that I did, and so they called him in, and I received it at about midnight.  He was great, and all my fear about the epidural was in vain!  It did not hurt a bit, and I definitely did not feel like I got a big needle in my spine!  Having the epidural allowed me to finally sleep a bit which was very appreciated.

After the epidural!  I felt much better.

At 1:30, the nurse came back to check how dilated I was.  I had not progressed.  I found out at this point as well that the babies heartbeat had started to vary greatly.  It would speed up and then drop sharply - the baby was obviously in distress.  The nurse stopped the drip, and my contractions stopped altogether.  The nurse called my family doctor in who decided I needed an emergency c-section.  She called in the obstitrican, who agreed with her - and they called in the OR staff (it was a snowy night) to come in so that our little baby could be born.

They were all very efficient, and we were in the operating room by about 2:00.  My mom could not come with us, so she waited for us back in our room, but Dave came down with me.  In order to have the c-section, I had to lie my arms out straight to either side so that they could work close to my side.  This ended up giving me significant pain in my shoulders afterwards which subsided after a couple of days.

I couldn't see anything while having my section.  Dave could though.  At one point, as they were just starting, Dave mentioned to me about how there was a tube that ran near him, and there was nothing in it and then all of sudden there was a large gush of blood through it.  I told him he probably should not tell me anything more like that.

I could not feel anything except pressure during the c-section.  I had no idea what they were doing, or even when the baby was out of me.  At one point, the anesthesiologist said, very calmly, to me "you have a little girl!"  I didn't believe him though as I didn't feel any lighter, and no one else seemed to be saying anything (nor did I hear any crying).  All I wanted was for someone else to confirm this for me but no one did!

Soon enough though, I saw her for the first time.  It turns out that the umbilical chord had been wrapped very tightly around her neck.  As I understand it, this had prevented her from descending, which made me not able to dilate as I was supposed to, so it is a very good thing we had a c-section!

Dave held Ella as they stitched me back up.  She was very good from the very beginning - she didn't cry, but just kept looking back and forth between Dave and I.   I fed Ella a bit and then brought her upstairs.  She stayed in the nursery that night - and my recollection between after the c-section and when I woke up the next day is very limited.  I couldn't get out of bed until the next afternoon so I obviously stayed in bed Wednesday morning!

Dave and I couldn't pick a name for her at first.  We had had three top names already: Ella, Emma, and Lucy, but after she was born, I really wanted to name her Lucy, and Dave really wanted to name her Emma.  Seeing as Ella was the second pick for both of us we settled on that.  Deciding on middle names was no issue for us though.  I knew I wanted to name her Susan after my mother, and Dave wanted Margaret after his (their middle names).

The worst part about the whole ordeal for me was probably when they would check how effaced/dilated I was.  No one told me how bad that would hurt!

The most surprising thing for me was how much I didn't care who saw me half naked.  People told me I wouldn't care, but being the prude I am, I definitely didn't believe them - but they were so right!

I was so happy with the care we received at the hospital though, and I am grateful for all of the Doctors and nurses who helped little Ella arrive!  I am also very grateful for Dave and my mom.  They were both extremely helpful and encouraging to me throughout this ordeal, and through the days that follow.  I will never be able to thank them enough!

Name: Ella Susan Margaret Pike
Weight: 6 lb, 10 oz
Height: 19 inches
Birthdate: January 18th, 2012
Birth time: 2:14 am

Ella's first picture.  With her Daddy.
Taken January 18th - sometime in the early morning.

Ella always looks perplexed!
Photo taken January 18th, 2012.